When I was a child I used to say that I will live far far away from home. Well…I have lived for a few months in a city which was a 5 hours trip from my hometown. I came back home every weekend. I used to say that I will be someone . I will be a lawyer or a vet or a teacher. I don’t even remember how many times I’ve changed my mind but it’s normal and quite funny. Last month I was feeling the same. I was struggling and hesitating.
Then something happened. I found Arthur Rimbaud’s poetry and suddenly coming back to Paris wasn’t such a bad idea anymore. The thing is, I’ve never really liked poetry, basically because in high school I didn’t get it. This artificial pompous atmosphere during reading…poets didn’t write their stanzas just to be famous or something. Probably sometimes they were just sitting on the floor, probably drunk (stereotypes) and they decided to write a poem because they were in love or not in love, someone was dead or they just saw a squirrel or whatever. MAYBE. Nevertheless Rimbaud got me.
So, I’ve decided – back to Paris. Of course now, I don’t know if I will make it because the deadline to send the documents was a month ago and we didn’t know that. It’s a tiny twist of fate because even if I had known earlier what I want to do I would have started to worry about this now. Of course I can’t make a call because today is a bank holiday in France and voila, the least catholic country in the world has 2 days off because of a Christian holiday. The thing is that I feel nothing. There is nothing I can do. I mean I can call there, I can write thousands of e-mails but that’s all. I’m not even sad. Maybe it’s just a pinch of sorrow and bitter but it will pass, like everything. I finally decided what is the best for me and at the beginning I’ve got a problem, probably without a solution. I’ve got other plans, to be honest I’ve got plenty of them and even though most of them are rubbish – not for me.
I’m not giving up, it’s not like that but what else can I do to make it happen. Oh Sugar, maybe I’m an adult.